Hey everyone, I hope you all had a blessed weekend. What’s new lately with everyone. Recently I have been doing some extra therapy assignments. These assignments include writing out the events of my life. I sat there lost in my thoughts for a moment. At the same time, I had a pencil in my left hand, as if I really thought I knew what I would say. Just as quick as that thought rolled through my mind, so did a million others. I started breaking down and analyzing every detail. Like a rocket scientist rambling about my brain. I quickly realized the big things that have scarred me amounted to nothing next to the small ones.
This leads me to what I then realized lately I have lost my spark. My passion and gift to write my recent thoughts and turn them into a piece of art vanished. This rush of the drive I had burned out quickly. Then asking myself what was different. It’s one of those if I admitted this out loud moments, but I do it often. Yes, I had an out-loud conversation with myself. The need to understand my recent crash was now at the top of my to-do list.
My intentions were great. I found myself very overwhelmed with no guidance or help others had offered. I was working on the updates to my blog, YouTube channel, and podcast. Fixing and making unnecessary changes. In return, it left me exhausted and felt like a failure. To explain, I was so determined to quickly create a project that certainly will take more than just a few days’ time. With this intention in mind, improvement is the only goal. However, that was not the case.
I neglected everything of importance and the goals I so proudly achieved. So with these recent thoughts, I realize that I have only two options. I can throw in the towel and forget I even have any dreams. That will not work for me. So my BPD brain decided it could handle that decision. Ordinarily the BPD brain I was ever so blessed with would have just given up and quit like I already failed. Not this time or next time. I repeat to myself daily that I can only fail if I quit. So today’s recent thoughts are YOU CAN DO THIS AND Don’t GIVE UP.
The following are some websites about the BPD Brain https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/causes/#:~:text=The%20scans%20revealed%20that%20in,as%20fear%2C%20aggression%20and%20anxiety https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3286221/ https://beyondtheborderline.net/my-bpd-got-the-best-of-me/