Recent Thoughts

Hey everyone, I hope you all had a blessed weekend. What’s new lately with everyone. Recently I have been doing some extra therapy assignments. These assignments include writing out the events of my life. I sat there lost in my thoughts for a moment. At the same time, I had a pencil in my left hand, as if I really thought I knew what I would say. Just as quick as that thought rolled through my mind, so did a million others. I started breaking down and analyzing every detail. Like a rocket scientist rambling about my brain. I quickly realized the big things that have scarred me amounted to nothing next to the small ones.

This leads me to what I then realized lately I have lost my spark. My passion and gift to write my recent thoughts and turn them into a piece of art vanished. This rush of the drive I had burned out quickly. Then asking myself what was different. It’s one of those if I admitted this out loud moments, but I do it often. Yes, I had an out-loud conversation with myself. The need to understand my recent crash was now at the top of my to-do list.

My intentions were great. I found myself very overwhelmed with no guidance or help others had offered. I was working on the updates to my blog, YouTube channel, and podcast. Fixing and making unnecessary changes. In return, it left me exhausted and felt like a failure. To explain, I was so determined to quickly create a project that certainly will take more than just a few days’ time. With this intention in mind, improvement is the only goal. However, that was not the case.

I neglected everything of importance and the goals I so proudly achieved. So with these recent thoughts, I realize that I have only two options. I can throw in the towel and forget I even have any dreams. That will not work for me. So my BPD brain decided it could handle that decision. Ordinarily the BPD brain I was ever so blessed with would have just given up and quit like I already failed. Not this time or next time. I repeat to myself daily that I can only fail if I quit. So today’s recent thoughts are YOU CAN DO THIS AND Don’t GIVE UP.

The following are some websites about the BPD Brain https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/causes/#:~:text=The%20scans%20revealed%20that%20in,as%20fear%2C%20aggression%20and%20anxiety https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3286221/ https://beyondtheborderline.net/my-bpd-got-the-best-of-me/

Published by

The Borderline in Me

I am a 32-year-old female who received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder in late September 2019. After being wrongfully diagnosed most of my existence as many other borderline patients have, it was almost a relief. Shortly after, it felt more like another bomb of worthlessness went off. I felt cursed until I decided it was time to speak up. I am one of many created borderlines. The trauma from my history created inside of me a blessing or a curse. I am choosing to make use out of my BPD instead of letting it overpower my will to survive it. When the professional compared it to third-degree burn victims all over there, body physicians nailed it. This pain we feel our emotions are not exaggerated, and most of us would give anything not ever to shed another tear. I want to help others and connect with those alike. I am here to share my story as my voice deserves to be heard and give courage for others to speak.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.