Frostbite

My heart it’s so cold it burns. It burns, but not like fire. My finger tips so numb the burn is a pain that cannot be explained. She stared into the devil’s eyes and said I’d rather burn in your gates of hell than to die in your frozen spell. I’m not a queen, your queen of frost-bitten loneliness! You’ve taken my trust, and I cannot speak! I can’t be honest, I’m just too fucking weak. I break everything around me, everyone can see! You’ve made me your train wreck in your own tragic mess. You violated my soul and tortured it until it left! I now sit here empty in your fucking mess. Every time I chose just me, you dangle the light of happiness in front of me. Give me back my soul. Let me wake up from this nightmare, you have me stuck on a loop. You let him love me and just as I was believing in it; you took him, poof. Your deep red eyes they don’t scare me, the pain you caused is the same pain you’ve trapped me in. I’ve felt it at age seven. Snuck in like God coming down from heaven. I’m done with the evil you have handed down. Don’t touch me, your touch is disgust! You’ve allowed me to be a disgrace that I can no longer face! So stop with the slow freezing pain! I’d rather die in your fire, demon! Let me burn quick. Let me burn in your fire. Cause compared to your frostbite, your blaze of fire ain’t shit.

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The Borderline in Me

I am a 32-year-old female who received a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder in late September 2019. After being wrongfully diagnosed most of my existence as many other borderline patients have, it was almost a relief. Shortly after, it felt more like another bomb of worthlessness went off. I felt cursed until I decided it was time to speak up. I am one of many created borderlines. The trauma from my history created inside of me a blessing or a curse. I am choosing to make use out of my BPD instead of letting it overpower my will to survive it. When the professional compared it to third-degree burn victims all over there, body physicians nailed it. This pain we feel our emotions are not exaggerated, and most of us would give anything not ever to shed another tear. I want to help others and connect with those alike. I am here to share my story as my voice deserves to be heard and give courage for others to speak.

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